I will start with my "block out" day, which took place yesterday at 11:30. My Mom and Brandy went with me, and it was helpful to have them there! Thank yall for coming! We get there and ask to see Dr. Gargus as I wanted Brandy to hear what he had to say. We met with him and everything went fine. I did tell him about what happened last Wednesday with my hair, so hopefully that won't happen to anyone else in the future. I wasn't right for days after that! Of course he didn't know, why would anyone tell their boss when they mess up? I feel better now that he knows. So, on to "block outs". They take me to change from the waist up, and I go lay down on the table. Now the block outs are little pieces of metal in the machine they position perfectly over my lungs and heart to block the radiation. I am thinking this isn't going to take a long time, I mean, how could it? Think again! After I lay down, they put that dreaded mask on me (dang it!) and the positioning begins. They begin to x-ray me to see if I'm in the right position. Well, an HOUR LATER, this is beginning to really bother me. My neck hurts like someone karate chopped it, my elbows are killing me, and I am starting to feel myself getting really mad. Keep in mind I have been laying with that mask on me that is bolted to the table, and its so tight I can barely blink an eyelash or swallow. Ouch! Well, they FINALLY get me into the correct position, and yes I am glad they are so picky but I am telling you that was NOT fun. Ok now on to TATOOS! While I am laying there basically naked from the waist up, they put 4 spots of blue ink on me, and insert needles in there so I am permanently tattooed. I feel like a human pin cushion. Fun stuff! So, that was yesterday in a nutshell. I wasn't in a very good mood the rest of the day.
On to today. Here is a picture of the machine that I will be face to face with until Feb. 25th.

Looks like something right out of a sci fi movie right? Well, that's kind of what I felt like in there today. I call it the "torture chamber". I kept telling myself all day that I was just going to be calm and not freak out. So, I get there around 1:45 and change clothes. They call me back and begin to position me on the table. Once again, they strap my face to the table. I hate that mask, I swear I will burn it when this is all said and done. Burn baby burn! I get into the right position, and they leave the room. The last thing they say as they leave the room is "Don't move". My heart starts to POUND - I mean, I thought I was going to have to yell for them to come back in there. I'm talking semi panic attack. I can feel myself starting to freak out, but then I think "If I move, this will take twice as long - DON'T MOVE". I hear the machine about to go off, and I am scared out of my mind. When a huge, powerful machine is pointed at your neck it is not a good feeling. I feel the radiation begin, and it's slightly warm. It lasts for about 30 seconds. The machine revolves around me, and then goes under my back and radiates through my back as well. The lights come on, all done! It's over, thank you Lord I made it! I guess just the entire experience is freaking me out. I handled chemo like a rock star, but this is just completely different - just not what I expected I guess. I think everything is just uncomfortable, laying there on a hard table, completely naked from the waist up with my face in a mesh mask that is bolted down. Doesn't sound like fun, does it? It will get better, it has to! Thank you all for praying for me, I really appreciate it.
4 comments:
I'm sorry you're having to go through all this. It does sound like something from a horror movie. I'm hoping and praying that these treatments go quickly. Remember...there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Love and prayers to you and Ben! Hang in there. Love, Mrs. Linda
Kerri,
What an ordeal?! If I could trade places with you I would. I'm sure this is the pitts and I'm sorry. I heard an interesting saying the other day~ if God leads you to it He will lead you through it. I'm not sure it's scriptural~ or at least not a Bible verse I've ever read. But for me, as a believer in God's sovereignty I am praying for His strength to get you through these next weeks.
Love, Penny
Oh God! Way to stay strong, girl. Hang in there...it'll be done before you know it.
You are always in my thoughts and prayers...hang in there, you seem like such a strong person...
Love,
Mrs.H
Post a Comment