Christmas Pajamas -- A Look Back
12 years ago
DONE!!!!!!!!!!
Here's a quick update...
After that last post, they decided to stop treatment for 2 days. Well, what wonders that did! My throat completely stopped hurting, and hasn't hurt since! I resumed treatment last Thursday, and have gone every day (except Sat and Sun) since. I have been eating normal food, still slower than usual but that's ok. So all in all, it wasn't that bad. Thank you LORD! The beginning was far worse than the end, and I really thought I was going to be in some serious pain right now. I was pretty scared, as I've heard of people having to be admitted into the hospital during radiation because their throat is so swollen. Glad it never got to that point. It did hurt for several days, but it was never terrible.
I've got that stupid mask in the car right now - after all of you have seen it, I'm gonna burn that sucker! I thought about bringing it into work, but I didn't want to give anyone nightmares, I'm serious - it's that freaky looking.
I hope all of you have a fantastic weekend - it's pouring rain here right now and is supposed to be like this all weekend, but Ben and I are gonna make the best of it! He's taking me out to dinner tonight to celebrate, he's so sweet!
Thank yall so much for the phone calls, texts, emails, gifts, etc - you all mean the world to me.
Love to all,
Kerri
PS...hope yall are enjoying the music! If you haven't heard it, turn on your speakers!
Radiation Update
Hey all,
I hope all of you had an awesome Valentines Day Weekend, we sure did! Ben had a dozen roses delivered to my work on Friday, and then took me out to Twist Sat night - it's an awesome restaurant in Buckhead. We had a great time, thank you again Ben you are so sweet! Love you!
I am writing to update all of you on radiation. I have 10 treatments under my belt! At the end of last week, I could feel my throat beginning to close up a little bit. It never really hurt, and it never got to the point where I had to change my eating habits, it just took a little longer to eat because I have to chew everything a little bit more. So I go this morning and have my 10th treatment, and also met with Dr. Gargus. He said that because I am having these symptoms, he wants to hold off treatment for 2 days. We will resume radiation on Thursday. He said in all of his years of experience, its better to have 2 days off in the middle of treatment to let yourself heal a little, than to just go non-stop. He said it can get pretty bad, and that people have been hospitalized because they can't swallow at all - not even fluids, and they get severely dehydrated. Well I surely don't want that to happen! So, as I am sitting here, I can feel my throat beginning to hurt. Its not bad yet, but its not comfortable either. So, I am glad he made this decision, or by Friday I would be in severe pain. Its the worst in the morning, and I almost choked on my vitamin this morning, gross!
Yall keep praying for me, please pray that I don't have to drink that ensure stuff, yuck!
I think I'll go with mashed potatoes, milkshakes, and mac and cheese the rest of the week. I guess that isn't so bad, huh?
Love yall!
Kerri
In a better place!
After a weekend of doing nothing but sleeping (13 hours Sat night!), walking, going to church and hanging out with Ben, I am in a better place. The weather this past weekend was just gorgeous, enough to put anyone in a better mood. That last post was tough to even type out. I just didn't feel like myself last week. I sincerely hope I don't get like that again. But things are getting better! 7 radiation treatments are history, with 10 to go. I'm slowly but surely getting there! I still hate that mask, but they did cut the eyes out of it for me which has helped a tremendous amount. Now the mesh marks are only on my nose, so I don't look like freak walking into work. I got a few stares one day, I'm sure people were wondering just what the heck I had been doing. I can tell the sore throat is coming, its starting to feel a little weird - but no pain yet. I have radiation every day at 8:45 am, with my last one being February 25th. I can't wait for that day!
It's weird how every time we go to church, the pastor seems to speak directly to me. His sermon this past Sunday was about "Gods Silence". It struck a chord with me, and I instantly began to feel a weight being lifted off of my shoulders. Psalm 22: 1-2 is the verse he referenced:
1. My God, My God why have you abandoned me? Why so far from my call for help, from my cries of anguish? 2. My God, I call by day, but you do not answer; by night, but I have no relief.
Our pastor explained that when you think God has forsaken about you, and he doesn't seem to be listening - what really is happening is much deeper. Gods silence does not mean He is in inactive. Gods silence does not mean He is unable. And lastly, Gods silence does not mean He is inefficient. What He is doing is really part of a much larger scale, and just because you don't think he is listening and you feel that you are being ignored, He has something so much bigger in store for you. I thought this sermon was something we all needed to hear, and that's why I have shared it with you.
A bit of good news too - I have new hair growing in - YAAAAAAAAAAY! It sticks straight up, but I don't care!
Hope all of you have a wonderful Valentine's Day - what a great holiday!
I would also like to congratulate my Big Brother and Brandy on their new house, CONGRATS!
Again, thanks for the prayers! Love yall!
Kerri
Emotional Wreck
Hey there,
I have had a tough week. My emotions are out of control, and honestly, don't know how much longer I can take this! I have read that coming off the chemo can really throw you for a loop, but I was hoping that it didn't happen to me. Well it did. It is awful! I have been exhausted all week, and one minute I am mad and another I want to cry. I have been asleep by 9 pm every night, and a couple nights I wanted to crawl into bed as soon as I got home from work. Some mornings I wake up with tears in my eyes, I mean, what is going on? It's gotta be my hormones just totally off balance - because I NEVER act like this. I am the most laid back person there is, and this feeling kind of has me down a little. I have made it through 4 radiation treatments, with 13 to go. Im getting there, I guess. I think I am also worried about getting sore from radiation soon, I don't want to have a terrible sore throat, that is the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. So, we have decided against traveling to Charlotte this weekend, I am going to try to clear my head and just see if I can get myself out of this funk I am in. I may sleep the entire weekend, I'm so tired from all this stress. I am sorry Mrs. Linda and Mr. Steve, we will make it up to yall, I promise!
PLEASE continue to pray for me - I need every prayer I can get, and Ben too - he has to put up with me!
Love yall, Kerri
Well done please, with grill marks if you can
I will start with my "block out" day, which took place yesterday at 11:30. My Mom and Brandy went with me, and it was helpful to have them there! Thank yall for coming! We get there and ask to see Dr. Gargus as I wanted Brandy to hear what he had to say. We met with him and everything went fine. I did tell him about what happened last Wednesday with my hair, so hopefully that won't happen to anyone else in the future. I wasn't right for days after that! Of course he didn't know, why would anyone tell their boss when they mess up? I feel better now that he knows. So, on to "block outs". They take me to change from the waist up, and I go lay down on the table. Now the block outs are little pieces of metal in the machine they position perfectly over my lungs and heart to block the radiation. I am thinking this isn't going to take a long time, I mean, how could it? Think again! After I lay down, they put that dreaded mask on me (dang it!) and the positioning begins. They begin to x-ray me to see if I'm in the right position. Well, an HOUR LATER, this is beginning to really bother me. My neck hurts like someone karate chopped it, my elbows are killing me, and I am starting to feel myself getting really mad. Keep in mind I have been laying with that mask on me that is bolted to the table, and its so tight I can barely blink an eyelash or swallow. Ouch! Well, they FINALLY get me into the correct position, and yes I am glad they are so picky but I am telling you that was NOT fun. Ok now on to TATOOS! While I am laying there basically naked from the waist up, they put 4 spots of blue ink on me, and insert needles in there so I am permanently tattooed. I feel like a human pin cushion. Fun stuff! So, that was yesterday in a nutshell. I wasn't in a very good mood the rest of the day.
On to today. Here is a picture of the machine that I will be face to face with until Feb. 25th.
Looks like something right out of a sci fi movie right? Well, that's kind of what I felt like in there today. I call it the "torture chamber". I kept telling myself all day that I was just going to be calm and not freak out. So, I get there around 1:45 and change clothes. They call me back and begin to position me on the table. Once again, they strap my face to the table. I hate that mask, I swear I will burn it when this is all said and done. Burn baby burn! I get into the right position, and they leave the room. The last thing they say as they leave the room is "Don't move". My heart starts to POUND - I mean, I thought I was going to have to yell for them to come back in there. I'm talking semi panic attack. I can feel myself starting to freak out, but then I think "If I move, this will take twice as long - DON'T MOVE". I hear the machine about to go off, and I am scared out of my mind. When a huge, powerful machine is pointed at your neck it is not a good feeling. I feel the radiation begin, and it's slightly warm. It lasts for about 30 seconds. The machine revolves around me, and then goes under my back and radiates through my back as well. The lights come on, all done! It's over, thank you Lord I made it! I guess just the entire experience is freaking me out. I handled chemo like a rock star, but this is just completely different - just not what I expected I guess. I think everything is just uncomfortable, laying there on a hard table, completely naked from the waist up with my face in a mesh mask that is bolted down. Doesn't sound like fun, does it? It will get better, it has to! Thank you all for praying for me, I really appreciate it. 1 down, 16 to go!
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