Christmas Pajamas -- A Look Back
12 years ago
Here we go...
Well, after what has been probably the hardest month of my life I believe the hardest part is over. Hopefully. Anyways, I named this blog after one of Ben and my's favorite songs by Tom Petty - The Waiting. This is so true when you are faced with a tough challenge in life, the waiting is always the hardest part. Here are some of the lyrics to the song:
The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part
Now this all went from me finding a lump just above my left collarbone to knowing I have cancer in about 2 weeks time. I will tell you that if you think you've had roller coaster emotions before, try dealing with that. At first they thought it was Cat Scratch Disease. I wish! My ENT scheduled me for a CT scan (with an IV contrast I might add, almost passed out having that put in) to take a look at my head and neck. I get through that and proceed to stuff my face with as much Chick-fil-a as I could buy since I hadn't been allowed to eat all day. I get home and just get comfortable when my ENT called and said that I need to come into the office immediately. I was like "NOW?, is there something wrong???" Can you imagine driving over there? I honestly don't remember it. I don't know how I got there. I almost threw up several times from the severe anxiety. And through all of this, I was BY MYSELF. No one was with me, no one to calm me down. It was absolutely the most horrible day of my life. He came into the room, calmly sat down and said this was most likely lymphoma. I had several lymph nodes in my neck and upper chest that were enlarged, and he said that is clear signs of cancer. I was in shock. Meanwhile, Ben is about to board a plane in Dallas - he finds this out from me about 5 minutes before takeoff. He cried the entire flight and you all know Ben hates flying. I felt so sorry for him. Meanwhile, my parents are scrambling to get their things together and get to Atlanta as soon as possible. I'm sure that was not an easy drive. To make matters worse, my ENT schedules an emergency biopsy for the very next afternoon. FUN! So, they put me under on Friday, August 29th and take out the swollen lymph node in my neck. Its Labor Day weekend - we won't know anything until the following Tuesday at the very earliest. So, we tried to forget about it that weekend and just have a good time. And we did. I got the call that Tuesday morning, September 2nd while I was at work. I had to hold it all in until my Mom came to pick me up. That was a bad day. Two days later we found out it was Hodgkin's. And from there we have dealt with me having cancer. Crazy huh?
I have found that those days when we didn't know what kind of lymphoma I had were absolutely terrible. Even the days before when we just thought this was all a bad dream were the worst of my life. I am not sure me, Ben and my Mom said 3 words to each other during those 2 days. It was misery. We just couldn't talk, if we did it was tears. It's tough to celebrate when you have cancer, but when we found out it was Hodgkin's, what seemed like a thousand pound weight had been lifted off our shoulders. We knew it was WAY better than Non-Hodgkin's. We knew that it was a curable form of cancer. Who'd ever heard of such a thing? Curable cancer? Well I've got it.
I want to thank everyone who prayed for me and my family during those days - that was my greatest comfort and I truly believe my diagnosis was an answered prayer. Its just unbelievable how many people come out of nowhere that want to help you and comfort you - people who barely know you. It makes you stop and say "there really are good people in this world". It's just amazing who calls, who sends cards, who sends emails to let you know they are thinking of you. That means a lot.
So, here we go on this journey they call "chemo" - lets just hope my body can handle this stuff better than others.
I start Tuesday morning, Sept. 23rd at 8 am. I am having a port-a-cath put in at 8 am (another fun day at the hospital!) and then Chemo will start around noon.
Thanks again for all of the prayers - you have all been so good to me.
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18 comments:
Hey Sweetie, Look out Cancer here we come. We are going to send you back where you came from Love you
You are such a strong person, and you will make it through these next several months with flying colors! Know that there are so many people that love you and we are all here when you need us! XOXO! Kristen
Girl you will kick this cancer's ass! I have no doubt. You are strong and amazing and so loved. We are all here for you whatever you need!
Kerri, Caroline and I are thinking about you and we know you will get through this. Stay strong and know so many people are here to support you. You WILL beat this!!!Brent C
kerri,
thank you for doing this blog to keep us all updated, we will continue to pray for you and ben both, we love you guys
chad and jen tatum
Kerri,
This blog is great. All of us, including Nannie, have you in our prayers. Your strength is awesome.
Trey and Courtney
Kerri and Ben,
You are in our constant thoughts and prayers. I truly believe that God brings us struggles so that it allows us to become closer to him. He also gives us strength when sometimes we don't know where to find it. God has given both of you this strength and you both will get through this very tough time. Mike and I are here anytime you need anything so don't hesitate to call!!!! We love you and I am so proud of your courage and strength!!!
You have a row of dominoes set up; you knock over the first one, and what will happen to the last one is that it will go over very quickly.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
Just letting you know me and all my girls are thinking of you while you are in there kicking hell out of that first dominoe.
Remember the time, Kristen and I got in trouble for hanging out of your sunroof going down the strip in Myrtle beach??? Even though we were raising hell, you still managed to keep it together while driving a stick shift. Just think of getting through this like getting through the stick shift in MB. You are strong and awesome... Love ya !
Kerri, both you and Ben are in all of our thoughts and prayers. I know you will come through this with flying colors. Always remember the saying, "If he can lead you to it, he will lead you through it."
Thank you for the blog so that we all can keep up with how well you are progressing. Keep up the positive spirit, remember a positive attitude is everything.
All our love from your Tennessee family, Bunny
Kerri,
I am so glad you are blogging about the journey ahead of you. Sy and I are constantly thinking about you, Ben, and the whole family. I know that God is going to hold you in the palm of his hand through all of this. We're all cheering you on.
Love,
Beth and Sy
Good morning,
Today is Wednesday so I'm assuming treatment #1 is history. As a teacher I always referred to Wednesday as "Hump Day" ~i.e. it's down hill from here! Kerri and Ben, that is my prayer today for you. May God's peace, power, and presence overflow in you this day. Thank you so much for this blog. There have been so many times I desired to call to check on you, say I love you, etc but didn't want to intrude.
I love you,
Penny
One treatment down!! Way to go!! Love ya! KRIS
Hi Kerri,
I am so glad you are through the first treatment and this blog is great. You have always been a ray of sunlight to my day, which what makes you such a awesome person and a great friend and made me think of this great quote...
Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life. A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.
We love you,
Melanie and Matt
Kerri and Ben
One down and one less to go. You are both so strong. I want you both to know that you brought tears to my eyes as I read Braden's card from you both. I think you are both amazing to go out and buy a thank you card during this difficult time. Thank You for being the terrific people you are!! I wish you could have seen his smile as I read it to him. He said "Can I put my name on it, so Sydney knows it is my card" Love you both!!!! Steph
hey there, pretty lady! this is alanda james...we used to work together at hpc/consumer source. i just want you to know that a lot of people are thinking about you and sending love your way--myself included. you're one tough cookie, and i know that's going to work in your favor. thinking of you...
Hey KJS, keep fighting one day at a time I love you BEN
Kerri,
You are constantly in our thoughts and prayers. Kristen and Matt have kept us informed every step of the way. You have always been a tough young lady. You will get thru this and only be stronger. Always remember God is by your side. Love you!! Don and Donna Walker
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