ELEVEN MONTHS.  Wow.  Who knew time could go by so quickly?  This time last year, I was just getting ready to get "beamed", aka radiation...Yikes!  Yes it was around this time last year I was at my wits end with chemo, and that chick was about to rip the hair out of my head making the radiation mask.  Oh my goodness I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy!  So, here I am - 11 months later.

I recently watched a presentation online that was very helpful and for the newly diagnosed I feel like it would be a fantastic resource.  The title was "Lymphoma in Your Teens, Twenties and Thirties: Coping After Treatment and Through Long Term Survivorship".  If you want to listen to it, click here.  The speaker is a long term survivor of Hodgkin's.  It spoke about how your life is before cancer, and how much it changes when you are diagnosed.  Here are two images from the presentation that really show how many things actually change in one's life:





That's a lot of new issues for someone to deal with, much less someone in their twenties.  It talked about how you are thrown into the world of hospitals, blood draws, scans, constant meetings with doctors, and how you are told where to be and when.  It really helped me realize how much time and effort went into my diagnosis and treatment.  It helped me realize that I am not alone in how I feel pretty much all the time.  It spoke about the 2 faces of cancer which is spot on:  1.  Celebration and Hope   2.  Uncertainty and Fear.  Well I feel like I am those 2 faces all the time.  I celebrate, but then I worry.  This is all just part of it.   I can't expect to move on and forget about the mind-blowing nightmare that happened 16 months ago.  It will take time...and I get that.  It seems as though each day that passes it gets a little easier.  But then I read about someone relapsing on my lymphoma forum, and it makes me extremely anxious.  I wonder if I should quit reading the forum, but then I realize that those people need encouragement and help just like I did, so I stay.  Anyways, I just thought I'd mention my thoughts...that's what this blog is for right?!  This time next month it will be one year since I finished treatment...YAY!  Can you believe it's almost February???  Crazy!

If any of you are wondering how I'm feeling these days I must say that I feel fabulous.  Ben and I both have been working out and eating right (most of the time!) and I feel like we are taking good care of ourselves.  We are both really looking forward to warmer weather so we can go exercise outside again!  I am still trying to lose my chemo weight...man it sticks like glue!  Or, it could be the fact that I am pushing 30...OMG did I really just say that?  AGGGHHHHHH!  Whatever, I'm curvier than I was before...Ben doesn't seem to mind at all and as long as he thinks I'm still smokin' hot that's all that matters right??!?!?!?!  ;)  My hair is looking good these days.  There are still a few of those scraggly hairs left on my head, but no one notices but me.  I think I might grow it long again - just because I can.  I hear a ponytail calling my name!

My next follow up is in February for blood work only.  Then, I am scheduled to have another scan in May.  Well, I'm not so sure about that.  Have any of you seen the news recently about the dangers of CT scans?  Turns out the give off A LOT more radiation than they originally thought.  That makes me SO angry.  How could they not know that from the beginning?  They are messing with peoples lives here, and that makes me furious!  I've had 5 total including my PET/CT's.  It's scary to think about.  There are many people out there who've had 50...even 100 scans.  I am very uncomfortable with that fact that I've had 5.  But, you have to think that it might be even more dangerous to not do scans.  So, I don't really know what to do.  We are going to talk to my oncologist about it in February.  I'll let you all know what we decide!

Hope you are all having a good week - and I don't know about yall but I am sooooooooo ready for spring!

Love to all,